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I left work early. My bosses could tell something was up with me and I explained it and they said "we understand if you need to go home" and I was like "no, Iapos;ll stay here"

I lasted an hour and I was so distracted and couldnapos;t stand being fake, if I had stashed a Klonipin in my car or something I would have been more able to, but I didnapos;t have that. I had a meeting with my boss for a different matter. Theyapos;re making me part of the training team, which is great news but at this moment Iapos;m not overly celebratory.

I finally just pulled my boss aside and said "I need to leave" and he was fine with it. So I came home. Itapos;s good Iapos;m not dealing with the public right now, but now Iapos;m here alone which is depressing.

I donapos;t know why the anxiety is so high, I know sheapos;s ok, but Iapos;m in like panic mode, I hate that shit. I always bitched about my dogs but the one that died is hitting me hard. She was the sweetest and cutest dog. Of our 4 dogs, I disliked her the least. Well, besides Max, but heapos;s old and blind and still adorable.

Iapos;m just really distracted now. My father is coming here tonight, Iapos;m not sure the reason, but heapos;s going back to visit tomorrow. I donapos;t know if Iapos;m going to go in to work, they told me theyapos;re not expecting me. But at the same time I feel I need the distraction, I really canapos;t go 3 hours to NH and look at my mother in pain. I never want to see that. I know sheapos;ll be there about 5 days or so.

either way, if I go to work tomorrow itapos;ll be hard. If I go to the hospital itapos;ll be hard too.

Iapos;ll figure it out. I need to go make dinner, I couldnapos;t really eat the dinner I had when I got the news, now Iapos;m starving.

I just have to remember itapos;ll all be ok.

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