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I donapos;t know if Iapos;ve ever really said this out loud. Not even to the Veg.

Iapos;m just so happy, you know? I love him, and I love life weapos;re building together, the house weapos;re renting, everything.

Iapos;m so lucky, and sometimes I canapos;t even believe it. Even though on some level, after everything, I know I deserve it. And it makes all the "everything" Iapos;ve gone through worth it.

Someone who loves me, and cuddles me, and thanks me when I do the dishes or cook dinner, even though Iapos;m not a very good cook? You just canapos;t beat that.

There were so many times I just wasnapos;t "sure" about my choices or about being in this relationship, but I followed my gut knowing that it was only because it was so different and so was he... And every morning I wake up next to him and know I did everything right.

I smile to myself, snuggle up to him and try to let him know without saying just how happy he makes me. All I can do is tell him I love him and kiss his shoulder. I donapos;t have any other words.

I also love the crock pot I bought a couple of weeks ago.

I think I may leave him for my crock pot.

But thatapos;s ok, because Iapos;m pretty sure heapos;s going to leave me for his new 46" HDTV.

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Oh my GOD. I cannot fucking stop EATING.

I went on vacation two weeks ago and i gained 5 pounds.

Stats:
h: 5apos;1
cw: 112
lw: 102
hw: 124 (EW, jesus christ...)
gw1: 105
gw2: 100
gw3: 95

I�know all the tips and tricks, but i still canapos;t stop eating. I KNOW i shouldnapos;t be eating what i eat, itapos;s all healthy stuff but i have way too much of it Ugh i donapos;t know what to do. I work out, i burn 300 calories running every day and then i do some toning exercises and jumping jacks. But itapos;s not enough to burn all the calories i eat.

Shit, what can i DO?
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What a sunday..........
YOU KNOW ITS SO BORED TO BE AT HOME DOING NOTHING.
okay maybe not nothing, iapos;ve been listening to some songs for the sake of it.
And my gastricapos;s giving me problem, so queasy now.



Let me hear you say,
youapos;re the only one that knows me,
love it when you hold me,
never find a love like this.
Let me hear you say,
now Iapos;ll never be lonely,
look at what youapos;ve shown me,
never find a love like this.



Bye World.

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I left work early. My bosses could tell something was up with me and I explained it and they said "we understand if you need to go home" and I was like "no, Iapos;ll stay here"

I lasted an hour and I was so distracted and couldnapos;t stand being fake, if I had stashed a Klonipin in my car or something I would have been more able to, but I didnapos;t have that. I had a meeting with my boss for a different matter. Theyapos;re making me part of the training team, which is great news but at this moment Iapos;m not overly celebratory.

I finally just pulled my boss aside and said "I need to leave" and he was fine with it. So I came home. Itapos;s good Iapos;m not dealing with the public right now, but now Iapos;m here alone which is depressing.

I donapos;t know why the anxiety is so high, I know sheapos;s ok, but Iapos;m in like panic mode, I hate that shit. I always bitched about my dogs but the one that died is hitting me hard. She was the sweetest and cutest dog. Of our 4 dogs, I disliked her the least. Well, besides Max, but heapos;s old and blind and still adorable.

Iapos;m just really distracted now. My father is coming here tonight, Iapos;m not sure the reason, but heapos;s going back to visit tomorrow. I donapos;t know if Iapos;m going to go in to work, they told me theyapos;re not expecting me. But at the same time I feel I need the distraction, I really canapos;t go 3 hours to NH and look at my mother in pain. I never want to see that. I know sheapos;ll be there about 5 days or so.

either way, if I go to work tomorrow itapos;ll be hard. If I go to the hospital itapos;ll be hard too.

Iapos;ll figure it out. I need to go make dinner, I couldnapos;t really eat the dinner I had when I got the news, now Iapos;m starving.

I just have to remember itapos;ll all be ok.

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I frequently miss the food variety in US grocery stores. Things just cannot compare here. You could argue that itapos;s excessive in the US, but there are other ways that shops here are excessive. Like, the way most snacks like chips come as one large bag filled with several smaller, pre-portioned bags. I donapos;t get that. Itapos;s way better to just give a large bag filled with the snack which you can then portion out as you choose. Itapos;s just excessive packaging.

But the main thing Iapos;m irritated with this week is the lack of pretzels in this country. Iapos;ve been craving them, and after checking Dunnes and Tesco, Dunnes had nary a pretzel to be seen and Tesco only had holiday trays of flavored pretzels. Apparently if I just want a package of plain salted pretzels I have to go to a Polish shop, and can only get them in stick form. And dear god, what I wouldnapos;t do for a warm soft pretzel from a baseball game.

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